Bookish Blabber #5: My trip down a black hole, some changes and a new light

My trip down a black hole...

It's so crazy because I've always thought I was in pretty good health. And I am... sort of. So after attending ALA Midwinter I got sick. Just run of the mill winter sick. It wasn't the physical illness that did me in though. It was the mental aspect of it that completely exhausted me. I can't event explain it, I wish I could because it would probably be easier to type all of this out. I was in a funk, lethargic, I couldn't even read for more than an hour or so without wanting to sink into the pit of the earth. I finally decided I was tired of feeling this way and I had made another big decision in my life so it was time to schedule some appointments. The good news here is I'm now back in control of my physical health and that's pretty awesome. 

Some changes...

However, my "funk" still persisted.... womp, womp. I wanted to read, I wanted to blog, I wanted to run and play and do all the things. But I could barely talk myself into leaving the house. This came to a HUGE second decision. I started my own business from home and I sat down with my boss to discuss my upcoming end date. I'll be leaving the university at the end of the spring term. Making this decision was like lifting a boulder off my chest! It's crazy how verbalizing what I wanted/needed to do made everything so real and my plan of action real. 

A new light...

I've come to the conclusion that my "funk" was fear. Unfortunately, since I have anxiety it just made everything that much worse. I'm thinking about seeing a therapist but that's scary too... haha. So maybe. I'm also doing much better. Knowing I have a plan has made getting up in the morning easier. My days are fuller and I come home not completely wiped out. Bonus, I'm starting to read again. For more than an hour at a time. This is inspiring since I'm used to finishing a book in one sitting. 

Another byproduct was that I felt like a failure at a number of things and scared to start back up again. I'm working through that by doing what? Creating plans! Haha, my best coping mechanism to to plan all the things. I'll be focusing on balancing my plans so I don't get overwhelmed and I'm still effective at work, home and on the blog. 

Not a new me, but a RE-newed me.

By no means have I figured out all my issues but I feel like I'm in a better place. I'm ready to jump back on Twitter and Instagram after being absent for a month. I'm ready to blog regularly. I'm SOOOO ready to read and I'm ready to take those next steps professionally. 

Talk to me:

Have you ever needed to make a change?

Felt like you were in a"funk"?

How'd you work through it? Take those next steps?